Time for some changes

Lately I have felt that I am just not good enough, I am gaining weight and my marriage seems to be drifting into a dangerous, unkown place. For the last month I have felt helpless to stop any of it. But after praying it out I am on a mission to change it. On Valentine's Day Jason and I watched Fireproof, it was fantastic and really helped me see that marriage isn't always about love. It's about choices, it is the choice to hold your tongue when you are angry. It is a choice to show your love, even when you are frustrated. In order to make our marriage solid, we have to change the choices we are currently making. They talked about a book "The Love Dare" in the movie and I really think I may get that book. It is a day by day, step by step guide to help you re-learn how to treat your spouse.

I also started back at the gym. My committment to myself is at least 3 days a week I will work out. I have to feel better about myself, and in order for me to do that I have to lose some weight. I am hoping not only will I lose some weight by working out, but I hope to relieve some of my stress as well. Funny how the older you get the harder it is to focus on yourself? We have got to re-train ourselves not to do that!

Women's Retreat

I was blessed enough this weekend to take some time for myself and I went to the Get Real retreat with Southeast Christian Church. It was amazing! We stayed at the Broadmoor hotel in Colorado Springs and it was just beautiful. I had not idea what a wonderful hotel it was. I am definitely going back!

I learned a lot on this retreat. Most of all, I learned that in order to get the most I can from God. I have to let down my guard and give everything to Him. All of my hurt, my pain, my fears, my joy, my happiness. All of it! What a hard thing to do. My first instinct is always to go to my friends first. But this year I am going to work towards talking to God first, then going to my friends.

A friend of mine suggested a prayer journal, what a great idea! It is much easier to remember all of the blessings God has granted when you have your prayers to look back on and see. It may take time, but God does answer prayers. I am just not usually as patient as you should be. LOL... It was a tremendous learning experience for me, I can't wait until the next retreat!!

It's here! The New Year is here!

Well we have finally arrived at the New Year and with it brings a lot of hopes and expectations that this year will NOT be like last year. Jason is doing well and he is even starting to help out with the house again! YES!! Slowly the pressures are being taken off and I can see an end to this. I am thrilled to be going on a women's retreat with my church on the 17th and 18th. I hope that it will help me reconnect with my family and strengthen my Faith. It has been rocky lately and I am confident that this is the boost I need to really make this year everything it should.

I did sign up for LA Boxing, now I just need to make it in there! I am hoping to get things together next week so I can start working out at least 3 times a week. It really looks like a blast and it is so close! I could walk there on a nice day. But I don't want to push it! ;)

Until next time...

Healing begins...

We are seeing a better side of J these days. He seems to be less frustrated and more happy about the situation he is in. The anger is slowly leaving and bringing some of the old back to life. :) I am so glad and it just eases my mind that much more.

I am also working on bettering myself. I signed up for "LA Boxing" which is a cardio kickboxing gym. Hopefully I can get in there 3 to 5 times a week for my 1 hour workout. I am also going to "detox" as well. I chatted with a doctor and I need to lose about 12 lbs. I can handle 12 lbs, I thought for sure he was going to tell me 25 or 30! Whew!!

At this point, I am just ready for 2009 to get here.

Recovering

We are all recovering from J's surgery, not just him. The surgery was 11 long hours (painfully long!), but it was a sucess. In fact, I would call it more of a miracle, the doctor and his partners are shocked at what a difference he was able to make this time around. Especially since it is the 4th time his back has been operated on. We are so blessed and I truly believe that God had everything to do with it. So now more of the difficult, we wait and try to be patient as J works on healing and takes himself off of the medications he is addicted to. Some of his mood swings can be unbearable, but we're hopeful that he can pull through this. I am hopeful that the man I fell in love with will come shining through and we can fall in love all over again.

It's not just his back that needs to recover, so does our marriage.

A new leaf..

It's time to turn over a new leaf. I have been negative about all the bad things lately and I am tired of it. So, screw it. Everyone deals with crap right, some worse than others, but it still sucks regardless. So I am changing my outlook. Life is good, I have amazing friends that care so much for me and my family. And of course, my family loves me and I am grateful that I am healthy and I can provide for them. My sons are great, obnoxious, but great and so is my daughter. She is a spitfire! I love it. :) She is such a cutie, how can you not be happy with that.
The surgery is Monday, and although scary. God will get us through this, and it should mean better things for J. Once he gets through this he will be in a better place. That means much better times for all of us. We all like a Daddy who feels better and then we can all have fun. So wish me luck, being down is just getting old.

Well crap...

Well it has been forever since my last post, but believe it or not I am still alive! :) Unfortunately J did not heal the way he should have at all. So in a few short weeks (November 17th) J will go into a 4th surgery on his back. I am not sure how I feel, some days I am sad, most days I am scared to death and yet there are some days when I am completely numb and feel like I have no emotion about it at all. Things are just so difficult right now, the economy sucks, and of course, my car picks now to break. Of course, now that I pretty much have no money to fix it, is the time that this car chooses to need a major repair. Uggghhhh..

I am trying to be happy though, I have my family. I have a great job, well 2 in fact and we are surviving. I can make my house payment and buy food for my family. There are many things to be grateful for. It just tends to get overshadowed by all the negative. But of course, this to shall pass....